i have issues

my spanish teacher is quite attractive.




and
fucking needs to watch what he says because i can not pay attention is you are saying spank instead of space nd whip for what ever reason
or necesita lavarse porque youre dirty  becuase\fsidofhoiajsdfa\

no
stop



------------
funny story thought he was gay but then he was mormon so ja guess not fuck

fuck virgin verbs fuck you

-----------
he has alot of baody hair is really white and tall and i want to die augh sdfghkjl;

BOATS AND BIRDS BY GREGANDTHEHAWK

I WILL NOT FORGET THIS
THIS IS GREAT


I HAVENT HEARD THIS SONG SINCE MY IPOD BROKE LIKE
3 YEARS  AGO?????
ASDFHASDJFKL



i never knew what it was called, i just downloaded it accidentally and aerydtygihjkl
fuuclfasdjfajsdf

found an eR playlist that has it and now i justfghjkl;
thank you
thakn you who ever
aughghklsfdg

so there are two shirts i really need in my life right now

 
and  i have no way of going abou tgetting them :(

so in english were reading this book on the Vietnam war

and we all had to choose a name out of a hat, and after we finish the book we have to write an essay about them,
and the one i got is the guy who, so far, has not really thought or said or possessed anything significant,


save for the fact all he does is think about this girl he had gone out with once.
all that its been so far, think about the girl, read her letters, lick the envelope, jack off abit probably i mean really, regret regret regret he didnt do more than kiss her that one night that hed actually done something


and


im just
are you fucking kidding me?
ive just been getting over my obsessiveness with previous persons,
in which i was  sort of like this - except worse in the fact id never done more then short conversations at the most.
and i  get this character, by fucking chance
are you kidding me

wisdom teeth

oh and yeah
go the wisdom teeth out august 30th.




sucked


well not that much i mean


after i got ice packs



missed lots of school
got depressed for no reason for a while


good now
good.




follow up thursday on my teeth
yup....

also ive just seen that a person isnt going to my school any more

and
i cant stop being depressed over it

and i hate it
because


no
im not allowed to care about it
you know

i just shouldnt
its not good
its not healthy
its slightly obsessive
and i hate hate hate it
and i just


how do you stop obsessing over caring about thinking of  a person?

people with talent make me feel like shit

cos ive really got like zero talent what so ever

and then i feel like shit for feeling like shit


and


its so bad

my friends keep singing in the halls in like, these beautiful quartets and playing the guitar and its just so nice

and i just sit there
and really
really
really
try not to cry because holy fuck

i can do nothing
nothing

im just
so
fucking

ohhhh myyyyy sdfgsdhjkdls

I just translated a romeo and juliet quote into vulcan


no i just translated it to modern english to the grammar(literal) form for vulcan, to fucking vulcan
so i can but it on my binder
in
fucking
vulcan
calligraphy


part of me is glad that i can do that

the other is ashamed that i did

I HAVE A SCHEDULE

ANDI PLAN TO KEEP IT

okay so tomorrow im going to do the AP notes ((ps YES i got AP but also FUCK because they didnt tell me i was even considered like she said they would so i have to get a booooook ffffuck))
friday im gonna set up my Binder and shit ((so finding the old Moosen, eh? cover cos its awesome and im gonna do some Vulcan Calligraphy (dude its really pretty dont judge) scripts to use on the front. either my names or some proverb/phrases OR maybe just "to boldly go . . ."))
saturday i must watch the first star trek movie
sunday wrath of kahn
monday dude just sleep
just
fucking sleep
tuesday i fucking hate school fuck


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
also got school schedule today and
well
i dnt know anything about the teachers
but
i have APUSH 4th period with my cousin so fuck yesss i finally have a class with one of my friends yeah
but a slightly annoying fellow is in my english class 3rd period
i got haley ((any one remember freshman year intro to science?? i had her for like a month before i transferred. really dislike herrrrrr)) for bio (which btw taking again because she wouldnt give me like 2 points to get a C bbut hey what everrrr) first
 i got maths 5th but im changing the class cos i managed to pass but i dont know if theyll have room
got psychology 6th (fuck yess maaaan)
and spanish last i hate everything.
but heeeeeeeey


last year spanish and maths hopefully

so ive just been thinkgin about my friends recently and
i just


well its because some times my friends are fairly underwhelming in some aspects
and
i just
well
i think all i really really want
is a person i can just sort of
theorize/ debate with were were in an understanding level
enough to were, im not being judged too much,
ignored,
pitied /patronized,
or they think im trying to start and argument
because generally each of my current friends will think one of these things

and i mean
i can get certain people to talk about certain topics for a bit if theyre in the right mood but
trying to find this specific is
not great
and
i just really want a person i can talk to really deeply about any weird
"what if we were in a world where. . ." things to
like
really deep religion or moral or anything

stupid gender silly check list thing so yooo

Male side:

[x] You love hoodies.
[x] You love jeans.
[] Dogs are better than cats.
[x] It's hilarious when people get hurt.
[x] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[x] Shopping is torture.
[x] Sad movies suck.
[x] You own an X-Box.
[x] Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid.
[] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[] You watch sports on TV.
[] Gory movies are cool.
[] You go to your dad for advice.
[] You own, like, a trillion baseball caps.
[x] You like going to football (soccer) games.
[] You used to/do collect hockey cards.
[x] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[] It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[] Sports are fun.
[/] Talk with food in your mouth.
[x] Wear boxers.

Male Points Total = 14 1/2

Female side:

[] You wear lip gloss.
[] You love to shop.
[] You wear eyeliner.
[] You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[] You wear the color pink.
[x] Go to your mom for advice.
[x] You consider cheerleading a sport. (when done properly not my highschools BS. flips 'nd shit and jumps)
[] You hate wearing the color black.
[x] You like hanging out at the mall.
[] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[x] You like wearing jewelry.
[] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
[x] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, and put on make-up and accessories.
[x] You smile a lot more than you should.
[] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[x] You care about what you look like.
[] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[x] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[x] You wear girl underwear.
[x] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.

Female Total Points=10

went to paso  midstate fair
was hot as fuck
i didnt eat anything all day til like 5
(that burger was bomb tho like fuck)
it was fine
you know
eh
would have been great to go with friends
the dudes in paso
when not groups of douche
are pretty nice in the face
the girls were too, last year, but theyve all seemed to evolve to sluts and i just
no
no im just going to laugh at the fair-sluts



my  uncles house is so fucking fine tho
like damn
bed was
fucking
fantastic
and i just
fuck
it was nice
the houses in paso are nice
their 'ghettos' look like old60s-ish suburbs architecture
with like a mix of Hispanic culture
and then
they actually were built in the 60s because they just
were a bit
they should have been better maintained




i got my dave shirt too


also i was at the powells down in paso and just
fuck you hot peopel why do you have to work at places i go
now i have to talk to you
and they usually joke around cos theyre all confident in themselves and shit
just fuck you

Star trek web belt

That i would love to have
or at least have in existence

because i was tihnking about, well wanting a star trek belt,
wondering how a great one, or one i would want at least, would look.
so i was thinking of TOS kirks web belt, with the insignia on its side as the belt buckle

and then thinking of what would be on it,
i figured the opening
and at first i figured all would be to long,
so the quotes to have would be
"space, the final frontier"
or
"to boldly go where no man has gone before"
and the last one
id think was perfect because its a belt
you get me?

so im just left at
how do i make this happen because WANT

and any way if youve seen the doctor who belts with something like "dont worry im a doctor"
it(with font considered) looking something like that

(((kirks web belt btw:

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

i just
having a stupid stupid stupid
amount of body dysphoria right now
like holy fuck

yesterday i was just feeling a bit weird getting dressed to go to a friends thing
like nothing just felt right

and today i woke up
and fuck
its just so
shitty

i took a really long shower and just redressed in something kind of more
i dont know
and im just trying to busy myself
not think about it
but
shit im running out of shit to do

and its just not the usual body dysphoria i get (usually only when im on my period if at all so this is really weird tbh and i dont know???)

but also just
 i dont want to move
i dont want to talk
it feels like somethings just
clasped around my throat  and my mouth is full and
thinkin about it kind of
it doesnt feel right
and usually, under my body dysphoria id like someone just to be there to hug and
now i just
dont want anyone around
i want every one gone.
i feel like if someone even touches me ill explode
and if people are there ill have to talk and i cant do that



my grandma called me earlier to see if i wanted to have dnner with them
and i cant even call her back
id really like to have dinner with them, we dont have anythnig here and id like some chinese food,
but i dont want to be around her she just always hugs me and wants to talk bu t i just


shit i dont know


iwant to eat and ask my sister how longs shes going to be here
but i dont want to move
i feel like if i move ill feel even more dysphoric again and i really really dont want that
and if  i get up  we dont even have any food
so why even?

ffffffffffffffffffffffffff

my cross bracelet snapped today and it sucked so bad


SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

:T

iuydfgjk

k so really right now all i really want to do

all that i can think about???
is just like



basically

well
really


id kind of be just happy enough to just see this one kid
from my school
this one blonde kid
which would tell you nearly everything if you went to me school
(i hope you dont go to my school)
(that'd be embarrassing)
(because this is pathetic as hell)

(but i cant stop thinking about it)
(s i have to get it out there)
(and)
(well)
(yeah)


and like

fuck
because

i cant fucking stop thinking
about
well
pretty much everything to do with this guy

and its so hopelessly pathetic
 I fucking hate
not being able to stop thinking

once and i while i wouldnt mind
i mean
its less pathetic
i tihnk of random people once and a while and its what ever
but its like fucking constantly
just
in the back of my mind
just
going
looping through
fuckin 24/7





not great wording but fuck you


fuuuuuuuuuuuuucking hell
fsidfasdfjkjsfdlksjfalskdfjsdfsjdfjsdfkjjdfjsjsfjdfjdjfdjkdjsjdfskdjjfsdkjfjsjdf;sjdfjsdfjasdfasdf
(he has a reall ynice face and is nicely fit and a prettyprettyprettysmile and mouth and lips goddamn and just
his nipples are nice too did i mention that because i thnkk about it alot its so stupid i just
did you know averagely lips/nipples/head of penis have the same color apparently? is this fact?(also i was watching star trek and dude chris pine i know his lips arent normally that fucking pink as wow but all i could think was like if this is fact i dont know if i should laugh/cry/stare in awe cos damn bro) id like to know because im pathetic as a fucking





whats something really pathetic
like the most pathetic thing you can think of????
the only thing i cant think of is me so

pathetic as me i guess
ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck)

GOING TO PAJARO DUNESSSSSSSS

FUCK YEAH


not bringing computer though
so probably not writing anything



maybe though,
cos im bringing my ipod

might write up for teen wolf
maybe
dfghjkl;'


SO READY FOR PAJARO

IT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE HOT THIS YEAR
FUCK YEAH

im thinking abou tso much dick its starting to cause me pain


i tihnk im causing my self mental scars

because i cant
stop thinking
about
dick















what
the fuckign
hell
i hate you universe 

dont you hate it when your reading a smut fic and someone asks you to do something
and you cant say no so its just yeahwhat ever okay


and then next thing you fucing know your cooking someones fucking pasta for like 20 minutes

just thinking
i dont give ashit about your bloody linguine
all i give a shit about is spock passionately fucking the shit out of kirk  you hear me ?





fuuuuucking hell i hat e evneerytihnghkkdfhsfdgs

I HATE HORMONES

LIKE SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU





no but really fuck me