duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

i just
having a stupid stupid stupid
amount of body dysphoria right now
like holy fuck

yesterday i was just feeling a bit weird getting dressed to go to a friends thing
like nothing just felt right

and today i woke up
and fuck
its just so
shitty

i took a really long shower and just redressed in something kind of more
i dont know
and im just trying to busy myself
not think about it
but
shit im running out of shit to do

and its just not the usual body dysphoria i get (usually only when im on my period if at all so this is really weird tbh and i dont know???)

but also just
 i dont want to move
i dont want to talk
it feels like somethings just
clasped around my throat  and my mouth is full and
thinkin about it kind of
it doesnt feel right
and usually, under my body dysphoria id like someone just to be there to hug and
now i just
dont want anyone around
i want every one gone.
i feel like if someone even touches me ill explode
and if people are there ill have to talk and i cant do that



my grandma called me earlier to see if i wanted to have dnner with them
and i cant even call her back
id really like to have dinner with them, we dont have anythnig here and id like some chinese food,
but i dont want to be around her she just always hugs me and wants to talk bu t i just


shit i dont know


iwant to eat and ask my sister how longs shes going to be here
but i dont want to move
i feel like if i move ill feel even more dysphoric again and i really really dont want that
and if  i get up  we dont even have any food
so why even?